D Day

January 27, 2007

First meeting.  Fine.  A nice mix of people, there were some who seemed about my age, some who had done it before, some who had come from as far as Scarborough, and some that live round the corner from me.  The counsellor seems nice, very helpful, not patronising.  I feel quite good about it so far.

The 2 hour class is a bit of an effort, I have to say.  I got hideously restless legs and could not for the life of me get comfortable, but I imagine that to be a mix of things; being uncomfortable in myself at the moment, achey knees, and being in a cramped room surrounded by fatties doesn’t give you much room for manoeuvre.  I’m also a little apprehensive having failed last time, but hopefully once I’m a couple of weeks in, the determination will take over and I’ll not feel that any more.

Luckily for me, someone else asked if we were meant to start today, and the counsellor actually said that it’s better to start tomorrow, as then we won’t run out of foodpacks before we come to class next Saturday.  This means that I will be attending my party tonight, & the last meal will mostly consist of red wine.  Hurrah!

I can’t say I’m 100% thrilled about going, I was, if I’m honest, probably looking for an excuse not to go.  It isn’t that I don’t like the people that are going, quite the opposite in fact; there will be an awful lot of people there that I haven’t seen for months, and won’t get the opportunity to see again for many months more.  It is mainly that I have got so fat now, that I barely have any clothes that feel comfortable, and I’m generally feeling very worried about how people see me at the moment.  Because it’s such a long time since I have seen some of these people, I KNOW that they will notice I am much bigger now.  I don’t think for a second that any of them will mention it, or let it affect their opinion of me, or make them less glad to see me, but in my head, it is hard to reason that when I am so conscious of my stomach or my double chin.

Still, I am going, I will get dressed up in whatever I feel most comfortable in, and I will have a good evening.  My boyfriend is driving, so if for any reason I want to go home, I can at any time.  I’m fairly sure that after a couple of glasses of wine and some hugs from some of the people I like best in my life, that I will quickly slip into a comfort zone and enjoy myself properly.

I don’t know that I will be writing too often once I have started the foodpacks.  To be honest, there won’t be a great deal to report, apart from the fact that I’ve been to the loo 87 times after having to drink 4 litres of water a day, and so I will only promise to write weekly, after my weigh in.  I will continue to use this as an opportunity to confront my feelings though, and will try to write whenever I am dealing with anything out of the ordinary.  Tomorrow will be when my boyfriend takes the first pictures, and if I decide then that I am going to make those public, I will either post them here, or link to my flickr page, and produce a ‘weight loss’ set.  As long as you promise not to point and laugh at the lardy.

I’m off to get pissed.

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