Day One.

January 29, 2007

I’ve managed it!

Alright, so that’s no great success considering I have another 99 days to manage it too, but I’m pleased because it’s been one hell of a day to get through. I can honestly recommend NEVER starting any sort of diet the day following a lot of booze. Particularly a lot of red wine.

I had a great time last night, it was ace to spend time with all the people I was looking forward to seeing. I don’t think I went overboard with the eating considering it was my ‘last supper’, I just grazed on things across the evening. I didn’t go overboard with the drinking either, although I think I put my glass down at exactly the right time. One more sip and I think I’d have been quite poorly.

I was OK most of this morning, I got myself a glass of water as soon as I came downstairs, and managed 4 within a couple of hours of being up. I had a wanker of a headache from the wine, and that general hangovery meh-ness that usually requires medication by a complex combination of grease/salt/carbohydrate/grease, and not long after lunch I started to struggle.

I’m surprised at how quickly I started having arguments with myself in my head, as that normally doesn’t kick in for a while – the excitingness of starting something so full of promise usually keeps me going quite well. I had a little voice in my head for most of the afternoon and evening, reasoning that I had already agreed with myself that I might start a day later than everyone else and therefore should just eat today in order to feel better, and start on the foodpacks tomorrow. I somehow managed to work through this, which I think was a mixture of having my boyfriend here until 9pm (it’s hard to give up in front of someone who is totally supporting you through this), not having much food in the house anyway, and smoking a little more than usual (thank sweet fuckety fuck for fags).

The last time I did Lighterlife, I started out brilliantly. It took so very little effort to get into it and get used to having the foodpacks, and I didn’t suffer at all in the early stages. However, I fell off the wagon about 4 weeks in and I think it was a slippery slope after that. I am hoping that this time the opposite will happen, and that after a difficult start, things will get easier as I go along.

I think the worst part at this stage is the hunger. I’m sure a lot of fatties like me would be the same, and admit that it isn’t often we feel hungry, and therefore it’s a strange thing to have to deal with for any length of time. The hunger mostly passes once your body goes into ketosis, but this can take a couple of days. Although I fully believe in Lighterlife, there are times when you walk past the fruitbowl and wonder just what the shitting fuck is so wrong with you that you can’t allow yourself a handful of grapes, or a satsuma. This will pass too though, having been over 9 weeks into the course the first time I did it, I have the benefit of knowing how easy it can be.

After a while, once the food packs and the water become the norm, you can start to feel quite righteous actually. I did it over Christmas the first time, and it was surprisingly easy. The thought of being the only one to come into the New Year having lost 7lbs rather than put it on was enough to keep me going I think, and I actually felt really pleased with myself for happily saying no thanks to everything, when everyone else was sat there undoing their trousers with the bloat. It felt especially good when I returned to my class after 2 weeks, and I was the only one who didn’t cheat at all. It really didn’t make a blind bit of difference to my Christmas that I didn’t eat or drink, and I keep trying to remind myself of this when I wonder how I will cope with various situations in the next few months. I would really really really rather spend the next 3 months losing the weight, and the following month learning how to maintain my weight, so that I can fully enjoy my summer.

I did the dreaded photo thing with my boyfriend this afternoon. At Lighterlife they take before and after pictures, but all you get inbetween is weigh ins and measurements taken each week. I intend to have a photo taken every week, and have decided I will post it here, along with the weight I am when the photo was taken. We took 2 sets of photos, one photo clothed, and pictures from front, side and back while I was naked. I have to admit I bloody hated it. As much time as I spend naked with my boyfriend, there is a big difference to being curled up in bed in the dark and being stood starkers in harsh light. Still, the point is that there is evidence of exactly how I look now, that will help to keep me from ever returning to it. In three months time I will be able to compare pictures and be in no doubt about the difference (I usually find it hard to feel a difference, even when there clearly is one), and I suppose being disgusted by how I look at this weight isn’t entirely a bad thing, as it will hopefully spur me on in the maintenance phase.

I can’t believe I am being so brave, but here we go, here is the first photo. Please bear in mind I am both tired and hungover, and that I am also finding the act of standing in front of a camera in all my flollopy glory, quite horrific. Today I weigh 230lbs. That’s 16st 6lbs, or REET CHUFFIN LARDY in layman’s terms. Thank fuck I’ve got my wibbly arse in gear and started this.

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2 Responses to “Day One.”

  1. Shona said

    hello, Imnotrightbotheredme! Love that name. I just read some of your blog and loved it. I could relate to it from so many angles, single parent-hood, no money for dietary food (ie, extras) no petrol money! and the stuff you wrote about where your head’s at etc. I’m getting desperate to lose some weight and want to try LL for a while. Probably won’t be able to afford it tho, as the cost is bound to have risen over the last two years…also, wondering how you’ve done? Are you still the same weight? or are you slimmer? or have you just accepted it and given yourself a break?!!

    yours Shona

  2. Shona said

    OMG!I have just looked up how much it is and as far as I can see (tho it may be even more) it is now £75 a week. Well, that definately comes under an “..ist” for example that’s “wallet-ist” or “skint-ist” in other words it’s only there for people who can bloody well afford it and I’m well pissed off….

    shona

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