Day Nine.

February 6, 2007

I’m not sure, but this feels a bit like a sign –

OK, I’m not aiming for a size zero, but everything that woman says rings true. I was confident enough before I knew I was starting LL, and almost as soon as I had a start date, I started to feel very conscious of myself, even to the point of being a little bit put off being ‘intimate’ with my boyfriend, which I have never ever been.

I also felt disappointed with my weight loss last week. 8lbs in a week really is stunningly good, but last time I did it I lost 1st 1lb in my first week, so 8lb seemed shit. This is not the right way to think. I weighed myself before starting LL, to find out I had gained 6lbs in the two weeks leading up to it. Instead of being horrified, because really, 6 lbs in 2 weeks is disgusting, I was very pleased it wasn’t more, and dwelled on the thought no more. My thinking is apparently all backwards.

I still don’t know whether I will stop doing LL, but everything I keep thinking and hearing and reading is pointing me more towards giving it up. If I do, I think the idea will be to stay in ketosis and do Atkins to continue losing weight (at whatever rate my body decides), and to do some proper research into therapists/psychiatrists in the area. Perhaps I can get better results seeing someone on a one to one basis. I will probably decide on the weekend. I am still going to make it to my next meeting, and see if anything changes for me, and then I am going to visit a good friend on Sunday, who has a very sensible head on her, and talk it through before I try to make a decision. In the mean time, I’m going to mostly be drinking water, weeing, and cuddling the hot water bottle my delicious boyfriend bought me for our anniversary.


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